


Denial and Indulgence

by caprigender



Series: Emilio Stroud-Fontana, purple-haired punching physician of vault 101 [1]
Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Gen, Growing Up, Menstruation, Trans Character, james/jonas mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:32:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6866317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caprigender/pseuds/caprigender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James is incredibly indulgent of his son and worries it might get them both in a lot of trouble some day.</p>
<p>A bit of exploration into trans life in vaults.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial and Indulgence

James could never deny Emi anything. One sad look from those wide brown eyes and the slightest tremor of his bottom lip and James found himself caving in with a reluctant sigh and a weary smile. It pained him more than anything to see his child suffer and sure, maybe he would end up spoiling the kid, but James couldn’t bring himself to stop.

When Emi had insisted on cutting his hair short and calling himself Emilio, James had listened. When he’d told his father that he was definitely, certainly, without a doubt, unquestionably not a girl James had believed him. When other parents from vault 101 sat down with him at the diner and told James he really should get a better control over his daughter or who knows how she might end up he smiled and waited for them to finish before excusing himself without comment.

How might Emi end up? He wanted to ask. What are you worried about? In truth he already knew the answer. He’d lived long enough without a wife in the vault to have been hit with the “procreation is your civic duty” rhetoric time and time again. He knew that the covert glances between Emi and Amata hinted at something dangerous to their security in the vault. He knew it because he had recognized the veiled threats of the Overseer when he’d brought up how friendly Jonas and James seemed to be. “As long as you remember your duty is to the survival of the Vault.”

And James could deprive himself of anything if it meant Emi would grow up safe and protected in the radiation-proof bunker of 101. He could go about his day denying his feelings for his friend and pretending there was nothing there burning to fill the loneliness of ten years without Catherine. He could deny himself connection and the sky and the entire world outside. But if his son had looked up at him and asked for the impossible, what could he possibly do? It would be his, without any hesitation.

\- -

Emi didn’t cry. He yelled and he screamed and he fought and he whined, but he never cried. He’d stopped around the same time that he’d started calling himself Emilio. James had never thought twice about it, but perhaps that had been intentional.

It was probably for the best that he didn’t cry often, James thought, because at that moment he was willing to do everything in his power to make the tears stop, to make his boy stop hurting. His darling baby boy, already eleven but still so young. He looked so small curled up on his bed, like he was willing himself to disappear entirely and it was almost working. He shivered with each heart wrenching sob and James reached out to gently rest a hand on his shoulder.

“Emi,” he said softly, “What’s the matter, Emi?”

“I-I-I d-don’t… don’t w-wanna,” he choked between breaths, voice muffled by his pillow.

“Shhh, shh, there there.” James rubbed soothing circles against the faded materials of the boy’s pyjama shirt. “I can’t hear a word you’re trying to say. How about we take a deep breath and you can tell me so I can understand you, hm?”

Emi coughed and nodded, sitting up and pulling his knees up to his chest. His face was red and splotchy, snot dripping from his nose. James pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to him. He took it, took a breath, blew his nose. Slowly his breathing returned mostly to normal.

When he spoke, his voice was scratchy and raw even as he fought to sound composed and clinical. “I started menstruating today.” James fell silent. He knew this day would come, that eventually Emi would have to come to terms with his anatomy and how it would make others view him. He just hadn’t thought it would be so soon. Everyone in his family history had been a late bloomer. Perhaps this came from Catherine’s side, or perhaps the poor nutrition and radioactivity of the wasteland had delayed the changes. “I’m scared, Dad. I don’t want-“ his chin trembled and he bit his lip. “I don’t want to get pregnant, Dad. I don’t want to die like Mom did. I d-don’t want to have something huge growing in me. I don’t want it to mess with my blood sugar, and change my psychology, and steal all my calcium. I don’t want to break my pelvis to shove a melon out of my uterus. And I don’t want major abdominal surgery-y-y-y.” He broke down in sobs again and James was torn between laughing and crying, himself.

“Well, you’ve certainly done your research, haven’t you?”

Emi nodded.

“That’s funny, I don’t remember you being this distraught about broken bones and blood diseases.” 

“Mom didn’t die of broken bones or blood diseases.” Emi grumbled.

“I see.”

Emi sniffled.

“You know people have been giving birth since they first existed.”

Emi shot him a glare, “People have been doing a lot of stupid things since they first existed.”

James chuckled, “You do have a point.” Emi slumped back against the wall, small and defeated. He tried to keep himself from trembling, but James could see the tears welling in his eyes. “Emi, did you find any formulas for birth control medication in your research?” Emi shook his head. “Well, how about I teach you, hm? We’ll get you all the medications you could ever need to feel safe.”

Emi peered at his father suspiciously. “Yeah? And what about when it’s time for me to do my civic duty?” He spat the words out like a bitter taste. “What about when they pair me off with someone to make ‘genetically satisfactory offspring’ for the betterment of the vault?” 

James fell quiet. Truth be told, he had considered this predicament before, although he hadn’t come to a conclusion on what to do. He’d thought he had more time. Sure, he had a solution, but it was risky and maybe not the best course of action. After all, if the Overseer found out it could mean… well, he wasn’t sure what it would mean but it wouldn’t be anything good. For a moment he considered going back to the drawing board and maybe finding another way. But Emi’s wide brown eyes were full of tears and he’d found the one area of medicine that terrified him more than exciting him and that just about broke James’ heart. “Don’t you worry about that, my boy,” he offered in as soothing a tone as he could manage, “I’ll write down that you’re infertile on your medical exam. If they think that you can’t have children, you won’t be forced to.” And if neither of us can have children, we will have to make sure the Overseer still finds us useful enough to keep.

The look on Emi’s face was worth the risk, though. “We can do that?” James nodded. The tears spilled from his eyes, but he was smiling as he wrapped his arms around James and wiped his face against his shoulder. “Thank you, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, son.”


End file.
